I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
