I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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