woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
