I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
