Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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