All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize