Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
