I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
