On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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