You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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