go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
