i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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