Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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