There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
