I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
