remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
