Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
