i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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