i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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