i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
