i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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