i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
