I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
