He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
