Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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