Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
