His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize