and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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