God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
