I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
