I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
