I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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