your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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