Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
