he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
