He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
