O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
