What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
