and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
