I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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