Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
