You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
