I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
