It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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