i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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