I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
