I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
