not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
