Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
