There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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