OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
