Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have aggressive nipples.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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