I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
