I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
