guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
