he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My vagina is officially offended.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
