We won't sleep together?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
