I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
