Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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