yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
