At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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