like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
