Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Bring me that man meat
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
