I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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