Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
