im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
