He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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