I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Someone shit on the floor
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
