He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
