no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
