I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
