i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
