so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
