Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
