I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
