I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
