My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
