just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
