ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
